This is the same guy who, when a friend offered to set him up with a girl who was checking him out, bought a dozen condoms before the first date. Of course girl was told about this and decided she had to wash her hair that night. He still doesn’t understand what he did wrong.

And so I am left wondering why I should sympathize with someone who tells me a story in which the most sympathetic character is someone who would certainly not have been the kindest person in my day as a customer service rep, he would likely have been the worst.

Word. I was trying to hat-tip that POV by acknowledging that likely the only reason he was decent to me was because of my appearance. It’s not meant to be boastful or whatever, but to highlight how that privilege worked in that situation.

However, I am also deeply disturbed by the way you chose to tell this story. In a story that is clearly about class conflict you decide to center a neo-nazi who was nicer to you than a myriad of others who crossed race, gender, and age lines. Noting only briefly, near the end, that you are white, blonde, and blue-eyed. What am I to take away from this story, true or not? Why does the spectre of race, which is so clearly over determined by your appearance vs. the brown woman whose image you appropriate for this post, enter into this discussion? and enter in precisely to draw a distinction in which a person espousing genocidal racial ideologies backed by both historical and present day violence resulting in severe beatings and deaths used as the counterpoint to class conflict? You could have told me this story without making such a comparison. You could have told the whole story in a way that deconstructed your white privilege vis-a-vis the neo-nazi and how that would have shifted for another customer service person who was of color - thus highlighting class and race for you and for poc - but you did not. And so I am left wondering why I should sympathize with someone who tells me a story in which the most sympathetic character is someone who would certainly not have been the kindest person in my day as a customer service rep, he would likely have been the worst.

Again, I am sorry for how you were treated. I have watched it happen and experienced it myself when I worked in food service. But honestly, I have real trouble supporting anyone who when it comes down to their own suffering once again falls into the trap of juxtaposing their oppression with racism offering up a narrative in which racism is somehow lesser.

Having been a server in the past for a number of years, I know what it feels like. I also know that, by treating the rep like the human being that they are, I am more likely to get better service. Unfortunately, I believe that much of that may be because of the assholes who abuse them. I wish they would stop.

Lauren, I am so sorry you have to put up with such abuse. People need to learn to be decent to each other. I agree completely with Chris Clarke, the way someone treats service workers is one of the first criteria I have for evaluating them as a potential lover, friend, human being.

I do what is called “internal customer service” and have been monstered by people from whom I can’t escape, as they work with me and our roles all interlock.

Yesterday two fifth graders at my school–mercifully I wasn’t there for this–got into a fight so bad one of them pulled out a piece of the other’s scalp. One of their classmates saw it and cried. Another classmate had to choke her to get her to calm down and got kicked in the eye in the process.

Today my homework table refused to listen to me when I asked them to do anything, and when I raised my voice because they were literally not acknowledging me they accused me of being mean.

Not to mention getting to watch teachers throw tantrums because seven-year-olds are not perfectly quiet, getting to hear students tell me to fuck off or they don’t care if anyone gets hurt OR if they get in trouble, when they wanna hit people they wanna hit people!, watching first graders need to be pulled apart by security guards, trying not to let my eyes widen in shock when a kid tells me about getting beaten by his parents, and so much more.

And the really sick thing is, I actually love my job. Oy.

Also: I agree with Chris re: being rude to a waiter (or someone in a similar situation) would be absolutely a dealbreaker for me. I would probably tip extra and then never call the guy again, ever.