Faux Real

I opted not to change my last name when Chef and I married a couple of months ago, not that I didn’t consider it. As with many decisions, now that I’m in my martini phase, I didn’t take it too seriously. Although both of our last names are “normal” Anglo-Saxon names, I do like his better aesthetically, and at what other point in my life would I get the opportunity to change my surname without raising the familial eyebrow? If I did anything at all, I wanted to hyphenate, or go legal one way and use a different professional name in the other. I also suggested that we both change our last names to Goatse but Chef wasn’t open to the idea.*

Changing one’s name upon marriage has been a major conversation in the feminist blogosphere lately, what with this recent Cary Tennis column (God, I want his gig) and this weird celebrity news item.

In item one, Tennis tells a woman who debates on changing her name upon marriage that what really matters is that she has a choice (true, but gag). The letters section, predictably, exploded.

But the relatively intelligent letters at Salon don’t even compare to the comments resulting from item two, a celebrity news story detailing how Sarah Michelle Gellar decided after five years of marriage to change her last name to Prinze as a wedding anniversary gift to Freddie. (It would have been way cooler if she’d changed it to Sarah Michelle Prinze Jr.) I find it a little odd, honestly — not that she changed her name, but that she did so as a gift. One might conclude that she did so because hubby felt usurped by his wife’s considerably larger fame quotient, and one has to wonder how it will affect her already established career in an industry that relies on name and face recognition.

Regardless, US Weekly readers exposed some incredibly pointed anger at women who don’t change their last names, saying, “You shouldn’t get married if you don’t want to take your husband’s name. You’re supposed to be a family unit with a family name.” And, “It is just an act of respect toward him and I would think if you’re going to marry him you would want to show him that.” And wow, “Stupid bi!ch. It should have changed the day she got married.” [H/T]

On the political front, Hillary Rodham Clinton dropped the Rodham from her name once she began to campaign for president.

Most Americans’ feelings toward the Democratic senator from New York change depending on which name is used, according to a recent poll conducted by Opinion Research Corp. for CNN.

Including Hillary Clinton’s maiden name increased her approval rating among Republicans polled to 23 percent. “Hillary Clinton” had a 16 percent approval rating among people who identified themselves as Republican.

…Clinton has had to face this dilemma in the South before, after her husband, then-Gov. Bill Clinton (D-Arkansas), lost re-election in 1980. At that time, she did not take his last name and was referred to as Hillary Rodham. When he ran again for the governorship two years later, she changed her name to Hillary Clinton,

proving that voting Americans are still markedly anti-feminist. So unless you’re a woman running for president, do whatever feels right. Whatever you do you’re going to get shit for it.

In the end my choice boiled down to a mixture of politics and laziness. For one I decided that since my son and I already have different surnames there was no greater headache (as some claim) in maintaining different names cross-family. Secondly, I thought I would have to make the decision on the day of our marriage. As it turns out you don’t get the documents you need for another week after you marry, and then you have to spend a whole day in the Social Security office shuffling paper with angry staffers intent on branding you a terrorist to get your legal name changed. I didn’t want to put in the extra effort, frankly.

A mere two months in, the only problems we’ve had have been with the insurance company. Because I carry the insurance, my name was listed at the top, Lauren H Lastname, and Chef’s was listed at the bottom, Chef C Lauren’s Lastname. I’d taken great pains to ensure that his name was listed in full on the application, a name that in no way resembles mine. After the cards were corrected and reissued, we discovered that they still didn’t get it right. C’est la vie.

[But now that I think about it, we did get some blowback from co-workers. A few of my coworkers treated my decision as though it signified some lack of commitment on my end. Raised eyebrows and tut-tutting, alas, didn't change my mind. I didn't point out that changing their own names upon their own marriages didn't stave off their own divorces because I'm nice like that. One of Chef's friends/coworkers was really bothered by the decision even though he tried to mask it with friendly concern. He insisted that I should change my name legally but use whatever combination I wanted for professional purposes -- and I mean insisted to the point Chef and I were both really uncomfortable with his level of investment.]

IN OTHER NEWS: Related to the above, the NY Times has a fun little widget to track the 5,000 most common surnames in the U.S. My people are down 42 spots since 1990, which means Chef and I need to get breeding STAT.

Unfortunately the widget is part of a story that will probably be read as a scare piece by our friends on the right side of the aisle. Look out for people lamenting the popularity of Garcias and Rodriguez.

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Cross-posted at Unsprung.

* Sorry. I had to.