Comments on: The Usefulness of “Baby Daddy”

By: How and Why Slang Spreads | Dan Zarrella

How and Why Slang Spreads | Dan Zarrella — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 19:10:48 +0000

[...] who is no longer tied to the father of that child. A great discussion of this slang can be found here: Sometimes a slang term pops into the cultural sphere that is so useful it crawls under the [...]

By: cest.la.vie

cest.la.vie — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 05:59:10 +0000

“Because damn if it isn’t an effective term. If not baby daddy, baby mama, then what?”

Personally, I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to say “my son/daughter’s dad”.

By: lavalady

lavalady — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 20:43:35 +0000

As someone who uses the term baby daddy on occasion, I have mixed feelings on it. On one hand it’s great shorthand for my sons’ fathers (as they have different ones) on the other hand I’m afraid that someone will misread my playfulness as ignorance, and I hate to look ignorant. And of course there is the ever-present worry of making black people (of which I am half) look bad, women more so.

As with most things like this, I like to use it when I feel safe, and make more formal references (’my son’s father’, ‘my ex husband’) when I feel it is necessary. But I don’t see it as fundamentally damaging. And most people who hear me use it seem to understand what I am trying to say.

The t-shirt is something I would have worn 12 years ago, after having my first son, but I’d never let either of my kids see me in something like this now - I know what it’s like to have your mom speak against your dad (and vice versa to a lesser extent), and as much as I dislike my baby daddies, I don’t want to make my babies sad, so I try to keep a civil tongue in my mouth in front of them.

By: trailer park

trailer park — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 18:16:59 +0000

I usually just say “my kid’s dad.” That’s even shorter than “my baby daddy.”

By: Shira

Shira — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 18:06:14 +0000

I am ashamed to admit that I used to think people were ignorant if they had speech patterns that differed from mine (and not coincidentally were associated with low-income people and/or ethnic minorities), but as I’ve continued to grow up (20 now), lived in other countries, broadened my horizons, and learned a smattering of several languages (Spanish, Japanese, and currently Turkish), I’ve been forced to face the obvious and realize that how you talk is determined by how everyone around you talks. When I lived in Japan, it only took a few weeks before “Ehhhh??” (What?) stopped sounding funny and started tumbling out of my mouth, before “Ichi-ni-san HAI! cheeZU!’ became automatic.

People who make assumptions about a person’s intelligence based not on what they say but on how they say it are transparently insecure about their own intelligence, in my opinion, and more often than not, hideously racist and classist.

And I think baby-daddy and baby-mama are incredibly useful, legitimate words. I wish people would realize that language changes, that there is no such thing as an immutable “proper English,” that language, ultimately, belongs to people alive and speaking TODAY, not to long-dead grammarians.

By: Roni

Roni — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 17:48:01 +0000

I’ve found it most useful outside of a heteronormative context.

A friend of mine, Lisa*, had an unexpected pregnancy and decided to put her child up for open adoption. Her baby was adopted by a middle-aged, white, lesbian couple. As Lisa’s baby’s mothers is cumbersome and confusing I tend to refer to them as Lisa’s baby-mamas, as in “Lisa’s baby mamas have uploaded new pictures!” It still has the same use, referring to the parent(s) by way of the child, independent of a relationship with the child’s biological mother, but is divorced from any particular race, class, or orientation.

By: Pamela

Pamela — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 17:46:20 +0000

I don’t necessarily think “son’s/daughter’s/baby’s father” or “baby’s daddy” or “baby’s dad” is always a negative term. It is saying that this specific man is the father of your child. To me it implies that you and said man are not currently in a relationship with one another. Depending on the context, it would imply he either is or is not involved with said child :

“My son’s dad has him this weekend” vs. “My son’s dad is a good-for-nothing loser”.

Personally I wouldn’t say “baby daddy”. I would say “baby’s daddy”. It’s just my preference.

By: lenée

lenée — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 10:39:48 +0000

as a black american woman, i find that those phrases fall from the mouths of single-parenting white hipsters & other non-black/ brown folks just as frequently as it does the “ignorant” non-white single parents whom i observe.
of course, because i declare that mos def should be my baby daddy i must be ignorant & uneducated. can we also add to that “on welfare”? because i’m not. it’s a part of the american lexicon, & a testament to the idea that not everyone you have a kid with is gonna be (or worthy of being) your long term mate. it seems to me that anyone who thinks that the terminology is exclusively indicative of one’s level of ignorance must be burning w/ the desire to heap a bunch of other racist/ classist bull crap on the head of the person who willingly uses such terms to begin with. i hate to say it, but most folks who think that hip hop is wrong/ bad are typically coming at it from a racist/ classist viewpoint in the first place.
in terms of baby daddy, we can probably add sexism to that as it ties into the idea that poor women and non-white women are really just breeders unleashed on the wellfare rolls.
not that TANF really does what it neeeds to do in pennsylvania, or anywhere else.

i could be here all day talking about this. but i won’t. hi, lauren! (you might not remember me from wehavebrains, but hi anyway)

By: ilyka

ilyka — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 06:47:34 +0000

From Cog's profile, a question-and-answer segment to bolster the theory that we most hate in others what we despise in ourselves:

What about contemporary parenting culture pisses you off the most? People who are narcassistic elitists who think they know it all.

SRSLY.

By: norbizness

norbizness — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 23:21:56 +0000

Or at least spades. “TRUMP!” “That’s the 3 of clubs, dude.”