We had a lot of help preparing from family and friends. There was no one hired to help. Maybe we have exceptional friends, but everyone seemed to enjoy it–and it made it more family-feeling than if the help was hired.

We had turkey salad, curried lentils, good bread, and fruit.

We bought 8 turkeys on sale, poached them (in my 6×10 kitchen) and stored them in friends’ refrigerators. The day before the wedding we chopped the meat up with celery and a little onion, and put salt, pepper, and mayonaisse on it.

We cooked about 10 pounds of lentils, and spiced them up nicely (this made sure there was a main dish for the vegans). That was insamnely cheap–if I wanted to save money, I’d have more lentils and less chicken salad.

We got about 50 pounds of fruit–oranges and grapes, since that’s what was on sale.

We used CostCo heavy paper tablecloths, plastic cutlery and heavy paper plates. We served everything in the aluminum baking pans like you get at the grocery store to cook a turkey in if you don’t have a roaster.

Now–as church-goers, we didn’t pay much for space. And since there were a lot of people coming with significant alcohol problems, we didn’t have alcohol.

If you have bridesmaids, consider doing what we did and picking a color (or two), and let them pick a flattering style. That avoids the problem of spending a lot of money on a dress you’ll wear once.

First, like I said before, pick your 2-3 priorities and compromise everything else.

You should delegate to your sibling(s), friends, mother(s); hell give everyone invited a job. We had help with everything from food (catered by a friend of my father-in-law), the wedding site (at another friend’s farm), DJ (2 friend’s iPODs & another’s PA), setting up and taking down tables & chairs (many friends & relatives). ect, ect.

Secondly, what other’s said about buying your own booze and hiring your own bartenders and/or servers. Those f****** made out like bandits because my father and my father-in-law both became big shots and had to tip all the help without telling us or each other until the next day.

For the ceremony itself, my wife’s step-mom was the officient. She has one of those $15 certificates so she can marry people. Since we’re athiests, instead of biblical readings, we each had 1 friend and 1 family member come up and say a few words. Two read poems first, then spoke. The other two just prepared remarks. We wrote our own vows. The whole thing lasted about 20 minutes.

Bonus: since the ship employees do flower arrangements and cook bad-assed food all the time, everything was perfect. I had no idea what anything would look like until we got there, and it worked great. All I had to do was show up and get dressed, and the wedding coordinator did everything else. It was awesome. Highly recommended.

Also, I’ve been to a couple weddings where the music was run off a laptop or iPod. So, like someone else mantioned, consider a carefully crafted playlist. You are welcome to borrow any of my 21 straight hours of 80s music or my 3 hours of danceable hip-hop. Rob Base ring a bell?

And, as far as I know, I’m still booked for pictures, right?

I’m the wrong one to be giving advice about weddings. We had a very simple ceremony at my parents’ apartment, and a party at my father-in-law’s afterwards. We didn’t spend a whole lot because neither the now-husband nor I had any money to spend. I made my dress, his stepmother and her sister made all the food for the reception, and my husband and I took turns being DJ and guests of honor. That would be 18 years ago, as of next month. So things turned out okay. Having said all that, I would have killed to just elope.

Do whatever makes you both happy, and it’ll be great.

I’m not sure this would translate to anyone else.

My sister’s was in the back yard under a tent. Trailer full of booze, good food, and the place was cheap. The ceremony was in front of the garden, and three people read stuff — I read a heavily abridged Burns poem. The groomsmen wore khaki slacks and blazers; the whole thing was semi-formal. Real fun, cheap, and no stressing about the headcount.

Friends just got married in the backyard of the family home, with a great ocean view behind them. Same thing: catered food, ceremony in the open, semiformal attire, good booze and music.

Having seen it done well several times, I’m a fan. If my wife and I ever renew our vows, I expect that’s how we’ll do it.

I had to do it in a Catholic church to satisfy my wife and hers. We did, however, specify no readings from anything by Paul — a guy who thinks of romantic love as second-best to start with has no place at a wedding. Also, no playing of that fucking dirge from Lohengrin. (The marriage was a disaster, and the song is Wagner’s closest prologue to the Star Wars theme.) Besides, Wagner was an antisemite. My wife walked to Highland Cathedral, a modern pipe tune.