Over the course of the last couple of days, Chef and I have had the same conversation several times:
“Dude, you’re going to be my husband. That is weird.”
“Oh yeah? Wife.”
“Fucking weird.”
And then we make smoochy faces at each other, capped off with shit-eating grins.
If this were an Edith Wharton novel, I would announce that I’m marrying because it’s socially the right thing to do but what I secretly want is to be free. Free! Then I would die and the reader would shed a wistful tear. Since this isn’t a novel, I’ll spare you the smooshy details (that you’ll probably get later anyway). Let’s just say that over ten years ago, when we first met and inexplicably fell for one another, this development seemed like more than a long shot.
That’s right, we’re gettin’ hitched. I believe some congratulations are in order.
Congrats!
OK, when you said you were getting married, I thought, “you know, maybe she’s working to subvert the system from the inside.” I thought, “Good for her! It’s much easier that way.”
But then you mentioned this fuzzy slippers thing, and I lost faith.
Fuzzy slippers are the deadliest weapon the patriarchy ever invented. You’ve become a pod-person, Lauren.
Congratulations!
I’m wondering about the “cuckoldery” part of your plans. Are you guys planning to follow Bitch Ph.D.’s example, and have an open marriage :-)?
Wheee–am I relieved!!
Chef surprised us all. Get Lauren to tell you the proposal scene!
Family is happy and anxious to hear the wedding details; oh, and the vows, we want to know what the vows are going to say. :)
Congrats, and make sure to get lots of presents.
I propose we all chip in and get a foundation repair gift certificate as the combined weight of their felines takes its toll over the years.
Congratulations!
Awesome–congrats!
Mmm, cuckoldry!
I hope you throw a really fabulous party and have a good time with it.
8 years later I can still barely say “husband” – it freaks me out.
WOW! I am so happy for you two. Just make sure you register somewhere, so as not to receive the useless platter or bread making machine as a wedding gift.
Woot!
Yay Lauren and Chef! Congratulations!
Hooray, this calls for a quote from Rilke, proto-feminist!
“For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.”
Savor that in fuzzy slippers.
Congratulations! As a recently engaged person myself — more of a complete surprise than an expected development — I can attest to the greatness of being engaged and fighting the patriarchy from within. :)
best wishes!
Congratu-fucking-lations! I peek in on on of my rare internet breaks these days and get great news for you! I’m hoping you and chef will be delightedly happy and very able to enjoy the lead up to the nuptials and the nuptials themselves. As someone who recently did this (and had her feminist-card ganked by a coupla folks for giving into heterosexual privilege) I congratulate you both and wish you both the best of luck.
And even though I’m still twitchy whenever someone refers to me as wife or married, its getting easier to hear. But if you decide to run away to New Orleans, I know a great chapel that will do everything sweetly but cheaply and a great b&b that is very, very affordable.
And should you decide that you want bags for yourself, your bridesmaids, or other ladies you want to have associated with you, drop me a line. I’d love to help.
Congratulations! Some unsolicited advice from a former bride: spend as much as you can afford on food/drink and photography. Everything else can be done on a budget, and no one’s going to remember anything else anyway.
We will have been married six months in January, and I still fumble every time I have to refer to “my husband.” Weird.
All possible congratulations.
Husband husband husband husband husband
Wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife
Spouse spouse spouse spouse spouse
Yeah, married thirteen years, and they’re all still weird. Especially when you see them repeatedly.
Look forward to savoring your 1000 benefits.
Congratulations. I have nothing more to add. Best of everything to both of you.
Congrats, and if there are no “holy crap, he’s got some good insurance and I want to get me some of that” issues, might I suggest perpetual engagement? It’s working well for me and mine.
Fuck! Congratulations, lady. Now you face the same daunting choice I face myself: Vegas, Atlantic City, Graceland, or the county courthouse? Also: open bar or beer in trashcans full of ice? It was questions like these that landed me in perpetual engagement.
Well done and good luck, ya’ll.
Congrats!
Why can’t he be the wife?
Congratulations Lauren! I was slow to catch the news.
Whoa, congrats lady!
Wait. Does this mean that chef won’t be able to do all the cooking anymore? Because that would suck.
Congratulations!
Congrats. Best wishes for long and happy lives.
You CAN successfully work to subvert the dominant paradigm from within — but only til you get the minivan. Then it’s all over.
Chef must be known as Mr. Lauren, end of story.
And yes, congratulations, good woman. As I am on my third (and hopefully last) marriage, I recommend the institution highly.
Will you be inviting your readership to the wedding? Think of the presents. If the institution is good for anything, it’s good for the acquisition of small appliances.
Congratulations to y’all: (snif).
Congratulations! And a gratuitous quote to go with your smoochy faces:
“To find a person who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness.”
-Robert Brault
Congratulations, Lauren! I’m so happy for you, Chef, and Ethan.
I will, however, have a brief, silent moment of mourning over the fact that your days as a thorn in the side of a religious right are ending. No longer are you a single teenaged mother for them to wring their hands over! Now you’re just an old married broad like everybody else. :p
Congratulations! That is wonderful. I’m so happy for you.
*delurks* congrats! :) *resumes lurking*