Faux Real

As I have mentioned in previous posts all over the ’sphere, I grew up in a comfortable middle class household. My folks weren’t always wealthy — this was the result of hard work and smart investments, sheer luck, education, the kindness of family, saving money and frugality whenever possible. I remember a story my mother told me about buying my oldest sister cowgirl boots when she was a toddler in the 1960s and wondering how they were going to make rent and groceries. When I came around a decade and a half later there wasn’t much I would want for. My sisters saw the financial struggles and sacrifices my parents went through to ensure their financial futures, but by the time I was old enough to know the meaning of money my parents felt free to finally spend a little. Oftentimes on me. Sometimes it was a necessity — see my teen years — and sometimes it was for fun.

Money has always been a struggle for me. I struggled while homeless and pregnant, living on a friend’s couch for free in return for cooking and cleaning while she went to school, and I struggled after E was born, trying to be a family when E’s father and I lived together, the money slipping through our fingers on the silliest of expenditures. I struggle now, not understanding where this money is going or why everything is so expensive, why no matter how I stretch I’m not stretching enough, why I can’t keep up. Part of it, I think, is mathematic, a personal struggle that is difficult to explain. No matter how high I scored on math tests in elementary and high school, numbers mean very little to me. They are approximations, something to be skipped over in a document since they don’t make sense anyway. The other part is obviously ignorance. Until a few years ago I knew nothing about how to budget or save, how to follow my bills or balance a checkbook, how to spend my money in ways that would benefit me in the future instead of the now. Part of it, admittedly, is a devil-may-care attitude, or was until very recently. I always thought there would be financial security in the immediate future — I didn’t realize that the degree wasn’t the golden ticket I thought until too late. My situation could be far, far worse. But I still struggle with money, and the truth is that I never know quite where to start in order to make things better.

Watching the discussions of class and accusations levied on peoples’ varied experience with upper- and lower-class living, both economically and socially, it became quite clear to me that we were making awful assumptions about one another’s experiences. This bothered me in part because I hid many of my financial struggles from friends and family until they were too much to bear on my own. When I bought something that wasn’t a necessity, someone would hold it over me later, not knowing that I had pinched pennies and foregone something else in order to enjoy myself with this one thing, whatever it was. It was a slap in the face, these assumptions, that the only reason I wanted was because of my irresponsibility. This too is why I requested ways for people without a lot of cash to find pleasure in simple things, be they thrifting for weird clothing or putting something interesting on the table for the family to eat that doesn’t involve the ever-present boiled potato or can of green beans. Or ketchup. God, ketchup.

I don’t need an economist to tell me what it’s like to be poor, I don’t have to read about it in a book that is more suited for a grad student than for me in my free time between jobs. I’m not stupid, I don’t live in a petri dish. Nothing is more infuriating than the implication that poverty is related to moral purity. Poor and pure are not synonyms. I don’t care if someone is student poor or welfare poor, you know the looks, you know the talk, you feel the burden of being burdensome on your family, on your friends, on the system. I’ve seen those looks, sat through those lectures, was told how much better off I would be if, when, and how. It never ceases to make a person feel small, this being talked at, being spoken for.

In other words, this project is selfish. I need help. But later, I thought, while this plea that would otherwise be considered blegging began to take shape, maybe other people could use the advice. And hey, maybe people who would otherwise consider themselves apart from this sort of daily worry could help too. Some of us need some help finding those bootstraps, hell, finding boots.

So here we are. These are ways to pinch a life that is already pinched, to beat the system, to get by when getting by is what you’re doing already.

Children
Liberal Debutante shows why you definitely don’t need a Nintendo Wii: how to entertain children on $3 or less.

Clothing
Genni McMahon offers details on how to get your money’s worth at the thrift store. I share my techniques later which differ a little because I live on the edge of a rural area.

In the comments, Butter offers a global perspective: In West Africa, our cast-offs’ cast-offs are sold by the pound. I found this article on wearing “dead white man’s clothing” as opposed to traditional styles of clothing which are sold in upper-class boutiques.

Education
Bitch PhD offers advice to people who want to go back to school after they thought their school days were over.

Managing Money
Coturnix explains why not having a bank account is pretty smart when you’re poor.

At Noli Irritare Leones, Lynn details how to win an appeal with the IRS.

McBoing writes how to pay your bills late without getting disconnected.

At Labradorite, FreeCycle saved the world.

Bad Bad Ivy explains how to keep your car safe from the repo man.

Chuck explains why you should always look at your paper bills, and if necessary, give your utility companies a call.

Earn Benefits shows you how to get subsidised childcare, food stamps, health insurance, and the Earned Income Tax Credit, also offering education on money management. Unfortunately, only Atlanta, Baltimore, Memphis, and NYC are covered. Check it out if you’re in one of these areas.

A new find in my feeds, Get Rich Slowly, a collection of resources on how to save and spend your money. If you have absolutely no idea what having (or ruining your) credit with a credit card means, start here. I’ve never had a credit card, and this doesn’t make me want one.

Marriage and Relationships
Helen has a few home remedies to offer, but I think the more compelling and urgent portion of her post is how to get out of an abusive relationship with your ass covered.

Hugo explains how he rebuilt his life after divorce.

Mental Health
Piny and commenters talk about how to manage eating disorder triggers.

Aradhana shares some techniques on how to get yourself out of a depressive slump.

Recipes
Brownfemipower has an entire blog category dedicated to cooking and eating healthy when poor. That Dragon Bowl recipe looks mighty familiar to this belly.

Also, Kathy contributed two family cookbooks, one of which is full of Indian and Sri Lankan recipes, and the other, downhome family recipes. Yum.

Ilyka Damen: Chicken Thighs with Lemon and Garlic
Reclusive Leftist: Cheap, Easy Brownies from Scratch
Pandagon: Cheap-ass Trashy Foodstuffs
Faux Real Tho: Green Chicken Curry
Mary McQueen: Egg Salad and Tomato and Spinach Soup
House of Mayhem: Green Chili Burritos

Buy in bulk, eat healthy.

Comic and illustration fans should check out this strip: Cheap Thrills Cuisine.

And in a cooking-related post, VeganKid tells us how to build our own hayboxes to cook your food in. Talk about reducing the gas bill.

Transportation
Antiprincess tells us how to exploit public transportation and how to make it bearable, even fun. I can’t do the bus anymore, but when I did I was a diehard headphones-eyes-down passenger.

Aunt B. shares some excellent knowledge on what you need to know and do when you buy a car, everything from how to deal with the salesperson to what to look for on the test drive.

Misc
The trials of finding public housing assistance (tailored to the Lafayette, Indiana area).

Roxanne shares a holiday idea that’s cheap and could make you money. Build a live wreath, steal your flora.

Amanda offers decorating tips on the cheap.

Other Related Reading
Belledame suggested these two sites, Class Matters and Living on Less, for people who are interested in the more academic side of poverty issues.

Kactus at Superbabymama compiled a fantastic collection of links for Carnival of the Feminists on poverty issues. I spent a great deal of time this week perusing the links. This one is highly recommended.

These entries mostly apply to the generic U.S. (but if you’re in Canada, here’s how to get a job as an aid worker), so check in your area to see if you can apply this advice in your area. The comments on these posts also offer rather ingenious suggestions for continuing to save your pennies and find legal help where necessary. Make sure you read them.

Information on the next carnival is in the works. If you missed out on the first round, write for the second. I’ll continue to take submission at ednasaint at yahoo dot com until further information is released. Thanks to everyone who contributed ideas, and I hope you’ll help us continue to grow the project in the future.