He considers it cheating.
Last chance, schnookums.
For about a week now, Chef has been downloading music with which to better torture his coworkers. One coworker in particular brought in a CD that could have been titled, “Carving One’s Eyes Out With a Straight Razor.” I do not speak of the horror.
Chef, to my chagrin, has been compiling a bevy of songs on my computer that surpass mildly annoying and wander into stomach whirling, ear worming hell. Yesterday, when he turned to me and asked me to remind him to download some Spice Girls, I knew it had gone too far.
For example,
1) Lindsay Buckingham - Holiday Road
2) Bobby McFerrin - Don’t Worry Be Happy
3) Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time
4) Revenge of the Nerds Soundtrack
5) Bobby Brown - My Prerogative
6) Q Lazzarus - Goodbye Horses* (Silence of the Lambs soundtrack)
7) Eddie Murphy - Party All The Time
None of these songs are particularly annoying alone, save McFerrin’s contribution to pop culture, but together they not only induce the listener to hum a strain and then want to smack herself several times a day for weeks on end, but they also give way to a sick look at the black heart of the mix-maker.
So. Pick your poison. If one were to torture you in your workplace with 80 minutes of aural hell, what would that mix include?
Me? I had “Do Your Ears Hang Low” in my head for most of my childhood. This song kills me.
_______________
* Okay, I like this one.
Hey! I love that Cher song!
Thong-lover.
The single most annoying song ever:
My Humps, Black Eyed Peas.
What is that stupid London Bridge song by the no-talent white chick from Black Eyed Peas? It is horrible.
I’m thinking back a bit more. Most Annoying Songs of the 60s-90s Extravaganza!
There’s always the tried and true:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RRugApjmk8
But the Starbuck’s Corp version is so much worse:
http://roxanne.typepad.com/rantrave/2005/03/we_built_this_s.html
That fucking Sade song Smooth Operator was my least favorite song ever till My Humps was partially birthed.
Also, I vote for Robert Palmer’s Addicted to Love.
And Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start the Fire.
And anything by Cyndi Lauper — but especially She-Bop.
One of my top annoying songs was “I’ve Never Been To Me.” Tune just catchy enough to run through my head, and really, really stupid lyrics about how you should be contented with your life as a housewife because it’s so much better than being a sexpot that sleeps with rich and famous people in exotic locales.
On the other hand, if you want, not offensively annoying, but just annoying in the sense that it gets stuck in the head, there’s always the “Lollipop, Lollipop” song.
Oh no. This kitchen loves Cyndi Lauper.
It may only be funny to me, but I like adding the oft-covered folk song, One Meat Ball to CD mixes. My favorite version is by Dave Van Ronk, but I have four other versions. The flaw in my nefarious plan is that nobody is really annoyed, unless they’ve heard the song umpteen times. Perhaps my off key sing-along helps ratchet up the annoyance factor.
Rocky Picture Horror show tunes almost fit the bill too.
I’m ashamed to admit that only #2 and #7 on your list are familiar to me.
“Kiss Me,” Sixpence None the Richer;
“Barbie Girl,” Aqua;
“Hole Hearted,” Xtreme;
“Shine,” Candlebox;
Two Words: Celine Dion. Esp. “My Heart Will Go On.”
and that Cher dance song with the extreme vocoder effects (shiver). “Turn Back Time” at least gets high camp points for the video, in which she cavorts on a battle cruiser full of sailors in dress whites with no pants on. That is, she had no pants on. Dress whites include pants.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=fXPVxchwwQ8
Do I win?
Oh, speaking of Xtreme, “More than Words”.
And I like Cher too.
I second anything by Candlebox.
Amanda: No, you don’t.
Glass Tiger - Don’t Forget Me When I’m Gone
I had a coworker put this one on heavy repeat. That and Amy Grant. Enough to drive me nuts.
Oh, and I totally heart Dave Van Ronk doing “One Meatball”.
but I like adding the oft-covered folk song, One Meat Ball to CD mixes
In family joke: my younger brother, when little, wanted to listen to Burl Ives singing “Little White Duck.” He wanted to listen to it over, and over, and over, as young children will. Since he had six older siblings, of course we all remembered this about him, and some of us told him about it, when we got older. So one year, when I asked him to make me a mix tape, he made me a mix with the songs I’d wanted - but interspersing “Little White Duck” into the mix, with increasing frequency as the tape continued. I had my grandfather over when I played it for the first time, and at maybe the fifth repetition of “Little White Duck,” he turned to me and said, deadpan “I think we’ve heard this one already.”
I like all those songs. Also, my name is right under Barbara Ehenreich in your Blogroll. That is some kind of metaphysical coolness.
I can’t stand Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares to You” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdjidfbMHDw) — but I love the Me First And The Gimme Gimmes cover of it.
Another band sure to make you cringe, The Cranberries, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDG56Xq4JFQ.
And from the 1960s, The Beach Boys. YUCK.
MacArthur Park.
Especially the Richard Harris version.
May God have mercy on our souls….
Worse than MacArthur Park (I know, since i have three Richard Harris LPs): “What a Lot of Flowers,” which is not even the worst version of the song (that honor goes to Peter O’Toole’s sing-talk version of it in the remake of Goodbye, Mr. Chips).
And Holiday Road kicks ass, although in my brain it gets jumbled up with Goodbye-Goodbye by Oingo Boingo. The rest blow. BTW, Two of Hearts by Stacey Q may be the worst song ever.
The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald usually works, and stays stuck in heads for a long time.
My current crop of co-workers is difficult to annoy, but I used to work with some folks who threatened to break my Tom Waits CDs if I didn’t take them out of the player.
LAAAADY in red…is dawncing with me…cheektocheek.
WUFF. I heard a muzak version of this in an Indian restaurant last night. It’s teh devil.
SJ, just from reading, I had that song stuck in my head all afternoon.
Hmmm…a number of you have already named songs and artists I would put on my list.
And I admit that I like “Holiday Road.”
“Your Woman” by White Town comes to mind right now. Ugh.
“Hate (I Really Don’t Like You)” by the Plain White T’s, for a recent earworm. Worst fucking song in the history of the universe (the lyrics are just as creative as the title), but with a fucking catchy guitar lick, so everytime i hear even one line from the song, it gets stuck in my fucking* head for a minimum of 6 hours, and nothing i listen to will get it out.
*Yes, the song is fucking bad enough to warrent three fucks in one fucking sentence. Twice.
Umm….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBWkh_-cmZc
And the hate on the Cranberries? BOOOO!
Ugh…so many.
“She Drives Me Crazy” Fine Young Cannibals (well, anything by them really)
“Jumpin’ Jack Flash” The Rolling Stones (We had exercise stations in my 9th grade gym glass and this song was played in minute long segments over and over and over…)
“I’m Too Sexy” Right Said Fred
“Right Here, Right Now” Jesus Jones
Anything by Debbie Gibson or Tiffany
“Macarena” ?
“I Saw the Sign” Ace of Bass
I’ll be back with more. This is such an entertaining waste of time (for me at work!)
I have to admit I am all about that Lindsey Buckingham song… but I would put that song from the Karate kid called ‘You’re the best around’-Joe Espisito, ‘I would do anything for love (but I won’t do that)’-Meatloaf, ‘Oh Yeah’-Yello (you remember this little ditty from Ferris Bueller), ‘Seasons Change’-Expose, ‘Axel F (theme from Beverly Hills Cop)’, ‘Mickey’-Toni Basil and finally ‘Walking on Sunshine’-Katrina and the Waves
Europe’s Final Countdown
Danish rap in general (be lucky that you won’t get it over there)
MC Hammer’s Can’t Touch This would also be on the list.
Europe’s Final countdown is my cell phone ringtone.
“My Humps” takes the prize, no question. But anything by “The Dutchess” is guaranteed to make you want to scratch your eyes out.
This should be on the list too. The biggest midget in the game. Word.
(And I secretly kind of like “Do your chain hang low”)
It can’t touch My Humps, but Livin’ on a Prayer will always get on my nerves.
Or choose some of the “party classics” that are completely inappropriate for a workplace (or anywhere really).
The Birdie song?
Agadoo?
My coworker practices violin during lunch. After an hour of that, you could play me anything on anyone’s list and it would sound like peaceful mature sounds. (if she stops by my cube, I’ll know she reads this blog.)
A few months ago a teacher for a Tunisian dance workshop used My Humps to drill us. It works surprisingly well.
I can’t believe I’m not the only one to know of the Peter O’Toole version of “What a Lot of Flowers”. But can it beat “London is London” by Petula Clark, from the same film? That one is a hell of a lot more annoying, with her fake-Cockney accent.
“My Humps” definitely tops the list, but I can’t help but remember a song that was played ad nauseum at my workplace several summers back: “Follow Me” by Uncle Cracker. Once was bad enough, but it seemed as if it was played every half hour or so.
A lot of the songs listed above are those that I wouldn’t mind in /isolation/, but that would drive me insane if played repeatedly.
Sad thing is, pretty much everything anyone’s mentioned here that I recognize, and that’s at least 75% of it, I like. I wouldn’t claim it’s quality, but I do love me some bad music.
I think one of my recent FRT’s will be useful here:
http://philosophizer.blogspot.com/2006/08/friday-random-ten-awesomely-bad.html
as it says, it’s constrcuted entirely of somgs from VH1’s Top 100 Awesomely Bad Songs list.
and my partner’s entire office, minus the candidate himself (he works for a congressional campaign), is obsessed with Fergie’s ‘London Bridge’. I think the video needs an army of Fergiebots marching in time to the dancebeat through V for Vendetta London to give it that perfect futuristic fascist-trashtopia feel.
WHat, no POPSICLE TOES (by Rupert Holmes)?
no PINA COLLADA SONG?
no MANIC MONDAY?
Does anyone remember… STRYPER?
If I heat them again, it will be too soon.