Faux Real

Chef: So, I did something pure and kind-hearted today.

Me: Oh yeah?

Chef: I helped an elderly woman at the grocery store.

Me: No shit, boy scout. What did you do?

Chef: This poor woman was standing out in the parking lot looking confused. She called me over because she couldn’t figure out how to start her car. She even showed me how to look under the hood if it was necessary.

Me: Weird.

Chef: I get in her car and the keys won’t turn, so I jiggle the steering wheel and get the wheels to unlock and it starts right up.

Me: Did she give you a quarter?

Chef: No, but after she thanked me I walked back to my car in the back of the lot and three people stopped me to ask if I got her car started.

Me: They just felt guilty that they didn’t help her. Faux concern.

Chef: Yeah, but the worst part is that she pulled out of the parking lot in front of me and drove twenty miles an hour all the way across town.

Me: Ooooh.

Chef: I cussed her out in my car for at least three miles.

Me:

Chef:

Me: I’m totally blogging this.